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What To Do When Your Secret Porn Life Is Discovered By Friends & Family

So you want to make porn and remain anonymous, right? Then stop right now and do NOT make any porn! That's it. Period. You simply cannot make porn videos and expect to remain anonymous forever. Being found out in this world is not about IF, it's about WHEN.

I know what you're thinking here. You'll wear a mask and nobody will recognize you. Only, they will. We all know who batman is. Okay, so you'll edit your porn so your entire head is NEVER shown. Well, that may slow down the recognition but it won't stop it.

People who know you know what your body looks like. Maybe it's a tattoo, a piercing, a birthmark, or just your body shape and style. Maybe your cat walks by in a video. Or maybe your room is recognizable. I mean, how many people bought that ugly orange couch from Ikea! Whatever it is, it's recognizable to those who know you. I wear a mask and always knew the best it would do is slow down being recognized. In fact, I get more people who think I'm somebody they know because of the mask when they've all been wrong.

But the lowlife piece of shit that we call Asshat that did recognize me saw right through the mask. He's such a coward that he even had to say that a mutual friend told him. Only, we have no mutual friends so just man up and admit you like porn like everyone else! We knew we'd be recognized and were surprised only this one person has recognized us so far. We expect more to follow but for now we'll keep using the mask and hiding Stefano's face.

So What If I Get Recognized Then?

So what should you do when somebody recognizes you in porn? Simple. Nothing. Because you're not doing anything wrong and thus nothing needs to be done. That's the first lesson here. Porn is not bad. Porn is not evil. Porn isn't the devil's doing.

So why is porn looked down on? Because society wants you to believe porn is bad. And why is that? Simple, because of religion. Think about it for a minute. Religion is all about telling us what we can and can't do because Sky Daddy said so. There's no proof of Sky Daddy but there's a book about him. It's just a single book and it was written eons ago. It's also been updated, reinterpreted, and translated many times over those eons and I'm sure nothing got lost in translation, right?

So, old religious guys read a book and interpreted sex as bad (when you're not married and trying to have a baby). Those old guys and their churches then tell us, over many generations, what is good and bad. Humans are generally stupid (I mean, look who we elected President here in the USA and look at what we do to our planet worldwide!) so we believe what we're told and pass that on to future generations. As society evolves and grows we create laws and those laws are based on religion (sorry, separation of church and state does not exist, never has, and never will). So it's buried deep in us that porn is bad, even if you're not a religious person, because society overall IS religious on some level.

Pretty much every animal on the planet will fuck out in the open for any other animal to watch. Yet for humans, we hide away like it's some horrible thing we're doing. I'm not suggesting you start fucking in public or while driving your Tesla. Because that's stupid, unsafe, and just not appropriate. But why is fucking so bad when all of us do it, want to do it, or spend a huge amount of our lives watching others doing it. Even those who condemn porn are watching it. Or worse, they're raping people in their churches (and then your church donations can go to paying for their lawyers and hush money).

So Now What?

So the first step is doing nothing at all. You can acknowledge the person who discovered you, try to lie about it, admit your dirty life, or ignore them completely. Who cares what somebody else thinks about you anyhow!

Now, this is a little different when it's a close family member or close friend. Hard to ignore that. But if you're making porn you need to first accept that you will be found out. You need to accept that and be ready to have uncomfortable conversations. Stefano and I are as prepared as we can be with the handful of people that matter. For all of the others we have no fucks to give.

If you're younger and thinking about porn I'd only suggest that you think twice. When you're young you don't realize how long life can be. You don't have the capacity to plan the next 60-80 years on this planet. If I was wrong then things like Social Security (here in the USA), smoking, and shitty eating habits wouldn't exist. But we can't plan.

You may think the partner you're with is your sole mate even though you met them last month at a Starbucks, but they're probably not. If you do plan to make porn at a younger age and/or with someone you haven't been committed to for many, many years then reading Getting Started In Porn - Part 5: Treat It Like A Business is even more important for you. But, the majority of people who make porn only do a few videos and then drop out of the industry within months. Chances are good you'll be one of those and then have porn videos hanging over your head forever. Because the Internet never, ever forgets.

Get your legal stuff in order so you don't split with a partner who will then tell the world who you are out of spite. Non-disclosure agreements (NDAs) can help stop a partner from disclosing who you are but they don't guarantee that. I can't stress this enough because normal porn can easily turn into revenge porn and your life may change in a bad way for a very long time.

Getting a job may be very difficult. Or worse, getting that job may be too easy because your employer knows what you've done on video and may expect certain things from you. Having a long term relationship may be tough, especially for female porn models. Every guy wants to fuck a porn star but almost no guy wants to bring a porn star home to meet mom and dad, much less to marry them. Just part of the shitty double standard women live with daily.

For everyone else who knows that porn is something they love doing then don't be ashamed of yourself and don't let others shame you. You don't need to defend your choices to anyone so when people dig in just ignore the hate and move on. That's almost always the best bet. Ignore, block, repeat. After all, it's your life to live and as long as you're not hurting others then you should have no fucks to give when you do get found out.

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